Week 3 ~ Rough

It's taken me awhile to put my thoughts together for this post.  We have experienced a gamete of emotions this week, and sometimes it's hard to articulate all of them.  Towards the end of last week, we ended celebrating the small steps of progress I had made in expanding my foods and even being able to tolerate going into a store.  However, we knew there was a high probability that this week would take a turn and boy did it.  We suspected that when we began my antibiotic treatment, that it would be "rough" and unfortunately we were right. I'll try to give you a run down of the events of the week.

First, I would like to say a special thank you to my precious friend Mary who left her family to come down and help us for a week.  We were so blessed by her visit and are forever grateful for her help.  It was such a wonderful time of encouragement and Christian fellowship.  Mary ~ Thanks for allowing Jesus to work through you to minister to us!  You are an amazing woman of God, and the love of Jesus shines through you in so many ways.  May God bless you as much as He blessed us with your visit.

Monday was the day we added the antibiotic Rocephin to the list of IV infusions I am getting.  This was the first IV antibiotic that I have had.  Let's just say it was a LONG day.  In fact, every day that I received an infusion this past week (Monday-Thursday) was a LONG day.  We arrived at the office and didn't end up leaving until around 3pm each day.  Monday was a tough day to push through as my autonomic nervous system was...let's see...how do I put it...just "freaking out".  I tried to eat protein in the morning (like I usually do) and I reacted. I tried to infuse my supplemental IVs and I reacted to each one.  I think it took me about 2 1/2 hours to infuse my IV Vitamin C. I had to do it very slow so that my body wouldn't reject it.  Tuesday was a little better, but Wednesday and Thursday were worse.  By Thursday, I reacted pretty bad to the Vitamin IV.  However, my doctor figured out that if I took a medication that calms down my autonomic nervous system, the reactions were less.  So, I upped my dose each day and was able to make it through everything, but we had to do it very slow and I was really drugged. :P I am telling you that the other people in the infusion room got a pretty good laugh at one point when I tried to get up and walk around.  Let's just say I was not on stable footing, and I can honestly say I don't remember a lot of details of those days. :)  Besides the reactions, I did have quite a few unpleasant, but bearable Lyme symptoms pop up (achyness, dizziness, head pressure, headaches etc.).  So, we know the drugs are hitting the bacteria. 

Now, some of you might be wondering what kind of reaction I get.  Well, it depends on what I am infusing; however, for the most part it affects my throat.  My throat feels like someone has their hands around my neck and is constantly squeezing.  Sometimes, I get itchy and a blotchy rash, but the throat constriction is the worst to have to deal with especially because that is one of my ultimate fears.  So, starting IVs, getting the reaction, taking medication and having to try it again, really does a number on the nerves.  Brian compares it to his fears about stinging insects (shhh...don't tell him I told you about them, lol).  He says it's like walking into a room full of bees, getting stung and having to do it all over again.  I think that is a pretty accurate comparison.  However, as I look back over the week, I can see God's hand print.  He kept me safe through all of the reactions.  Nothing escalated to where it effected my breathing, and we are so thankful for that.  I have amazing nurses and awesome Christian women in the infusion room who are so encouraging.  I am truly blessed.

This weekend, we have been doing some IV Vitamin C infusions at home.  Everything has been going pretty well.  I have been reacting to some of my foods, but that is a normal occurrence...you gain some and you lose some.  I was a bit nervous to do the IVs as it was my first time without my nurses watching, but it all went smoothly.  One of my nurses messaged me on Facebook just to check up on me and encourage me.  Again, I am so blessed to be at this clinic. Once again, I have had some Lyme symptoms flare up, especially tonight.  A ton of dizziness...the kind where you lay still and the room just spins and spins..again, we know the treatment is working.

On Monday, we are set to increase my dosage of antibiotics.  We are going to do a dose at the clinic and then a dose at home.  We really don't know what to expect.  We are praying and hoping my reactions don't get worse, but at this point this is all unknown territory.  We know that as the bacteria is fought, it will make the part of my brain that houses my autonomic nervous system go crazy as we are already experiencing the craziness. :P It is our hope though, that we will reach a tipping point, and things will start getting better instead of getting worse, but when that will happen, we are not sure.  So, I guess you could say we are in survival mode pushing through to get to the other side which will hopefully finally bring me some relief.

Now, you can probably see why we have run the gamete of emotions.  This whole journey is filled with so many unknowns as we never know what my body will do.  Some days I can eat food and tolerate IVs and other days I can't.  The medication my doctor has me on is helping, but we keep having to increase the dose and obviously that too will have a stopping point.  So, personally, I am having to trust God with everything in me knowing that He is my protector.   Instead of crying my eyes out (which is super easy to do these days) because of fear, discouragement and hopelessness, I am trying to focus on Christ's joy, peace and hope.  It is really hard to do, but I know it is necessary.  This is a time where I have to lay everything at the foot of the cross.  I know that state of surrender is a place we should always be; however, I think the gap becomes more apparent when you walk through a trial like this. 

I will move to our current prayer requests:

• Please be praying that my autonomic nervous system would calm down, and that I would be reaction free during my infusions.  Please pray that God would be my protector and that my throat would stay open and that my breathing will not be effected.
• Please pray that I will be able to add to my food rotation diet, and that I will not lose any more foods. With the foods I have lost this past week, it is getting really challenging to stick to a rotation diet and to also find foods that don't set me off.  Thankfully, my water is still working for me, but if you could pray that we could successfully add to my food list, we would appreciate it.
• Please be pray for comfort and peace for both Brian and I.  We know that we have just begun this fight, so it's easy to jump to the worst conclusions.  However, God has the ability to turn this around, and we are praying that my body will upright itself and start working correctly.  Please pray that we would place our hope in the Lord and that our focus would not be affected by outward circumstances.
• Please be praying for my husband. I know it's hard for him to not be able to be with me during my infusions in Phoenix and as I experience all of these crazy reactions.  He is also working so hard at his job, taking care of all the household responsibilities (when we don't have help down here) and studying for the CPA exam.  He is such an amazing man of God and an incredible husband; however, I know the stress and strain of my illness is hard to bear week after week.  Please pray that God would bless him with abundant strength, endurance, joy and an extra measure of time. 
• Please be praying for financial provisions.  We are starting to receive bills and insurance is not paying as much as we need them to.  We are still waiting on a set of claims that will give us an idea of what to expect in the future as far as treatment costs.  However, it is our guess that they will not pay and so we will still be left with footing the bill of about $1600 per week. God is our provider though and we know He will come through for us.

Thank you for all of your prayers.  It is such a comfort to know that others are praying for us during this time.  I'll update next weekend.  Blessings!