Hey folks! I wasn't sure if I would actually be able to type this post or not. It's been really rough to say the least. However, we could use a lot of prayer. Let me give you a brief update.
As you most of you know, I was on a break from antibiotics. At my last phone appointment, my doctor's ND said that I could stay off antibiotics as long as I don't have any symptoms come back. I was cautious, but excited. I did really well for two weeks, but then on Day 15, I started noticing some minor symptoms. It wasn't too terrible, and I wanted to make sure the symptoms weren't caused by something else, so I waited it out. However, by Saturday, I had pretty bad air hunger, some bone/joint pain, numbness and tingling and I was constantly dizzy. So, with all of those symptoms, I was put back on my antibiotic regiment.
Overall, I was disappointed because I wanted to be done with that part of treatment, but at the same time, I had relief that, maybe, things could still improve for the better since I obviously still have some infection in m body. However, what I didn't expect was how hard the antibiotics would hit me after my short break. By the third dose (which I took last night), I was in horrendous pain. I haven't had this type of bone pain since I first started treatment 2 years ago. I could barely walk to the kitchen or bathroom. I also had a lot of breathing issues along with horrible numbness and tingling everywhere in my body. The pressure in my head was extreme, the nausea and dizziness were horrible and my insomnia was back in full force. It was honestly like I had never been on treatment. This lasted all night. I literally did not sleep one minute, and then had to get up at 4:30am to start work at 5am. It was pretty brutal. I am not totally sure what happened. It's hard for me to fathom that during my two week break the bacteria multiplied at warp speeds to send me back to the starting line. I refuse to believe that, but I will fully admit that my mind has gone there a couple of times. I am hoping this is just a bump in the road.
My doctor's ND returned my call this afternoon to give me further instruction about what is happening right now. He said he is shocked after how well I was doing for such a long period of time. He said he has only seen this happen to a couple of people. He said that the Bartonella infection must be very ingrained my system. By taking a two-week break, it allowed the bacteria to "think" it had free reign. Then, when I took the drugs, I had a huge amount of die-off from all the bacteria we killed. My doctor said he wanted me to try and push though, so the next few days should be interesting to say the least. However, it's good to know that we are doing some damage to the little stubborn bugs.
Please just be in prayer for us. This is a pretty big set back for us after being able to experience going to church and living in the "real world" for a period of time. Please pray that my doctors would have wisdom as to what to do next. We need to be able to make headway and have it stay that way even when I am not on antibiotics. Also, please pray for us to have perseverance. At times in the past couple of months, I was doing so well that we were starting to talk about having a family in the future amongst other things. However, it seems like that is getting farther and farther away.
Obviously, we have comfort that our Lord is in control. He knew that I was going to go through this rough patch, and we are resting in the fact that this is all part of God's plan. It's so hard to feel like we are constantly waiting and waiting for my health to change for the positive and stay that way, but ultimately, we need to place all of our desires in the hands of the Lord. He is our ultimate healer. He is the one that will give rest for the weary.
Isaiah 40:31
"But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint."
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Sunday, August 7, 2011
The Slippery Slope
Hello Everyone! I can't believe August is here. I seriously thought July would never end, lol. Those months that have 5 weeks seem to go on and on forever. I do like August. I will admit that the reason why I like it is because I love the "going back to school" time period each year. Even though God has taken my life in a different direction, I will always be an early childhood teacher at heart. Every time Brian and I go to the store, I gawk at the "back to school" isle. I seriously love buying school supplies. :) Obviously, we don't really have a reason to buy any (even though I have tried hard to think of one) for ourselves, but I was excited to see our local church that we attend (when I can go) asking for them. Whoohoo! I finally get to buy crayons, markers and glue sticks. :) I will seriously look forward to this all week. I am a dork!
I apologize for skipping a week of updates. My job has been crazy. My boss is currently on vacation and she left me in charge of the training program and all of the new employees. That was supposed to be my role, but it ended up being a lot more as I had to step in and fill some of the gaps that were left open since she has been out of the office. Did I mention my boss is the Director of Operations? So, you can only imagine the pressures and work hours! Yes, I pretty much worked from 5am to 9pm at night last week. I would have maybe an hour or two off during the middle of the day, but that was it! I think this made me realize I like being in upper management, but I definitely never want to be the commander in chief. :)
Now, I will talk about the title of this blog post. Have you ever been rock climbing in the rain? :) Brian and I are not the most athletic people. We would not be the ones to go rock climbing, and we are definitely not thrill seekers; however, when we were on our honeymoon in Jamaica we climbed up "Dunn's River Falls". This was actually the waterfall that they used in the scene in the movie titled "Cocktail" with Tom Cruise. We laughed later because if that tourist attraction had been in the US, you would have had to sign a ton of "I will not sue if I die" waivers. :)
It was raining the day we embarked on our adventure, so that made the rocks very slippery. It was hard to find a steady and firm place for your foot. The rocks on the waterfall were so steep that you had to scale up diagonally slowly making your way to the top. There were no handrails and no safety ropes. We all followed our guide single file and during the steep parts you had to hold hands with the person in front and back of you. I had visions of one of us falling and pulling the rest of us down. I think by the time we reached the top (and breathed a sigh of relief), we had all fallen at least twice. Let me tell you, it would have been a long drop to the bottom. It is a great memory, but I am not sure if I would attempt that again.
I think this experience applies to my health journey at this moment. I have been off antibiotics for almost two weeks! It will be two weeks tomorrow. On July 25th, I called my Lyme doctor and told him that every time I took the antibiotics, I had horrible stomach pain. In my opinion, I think 2 years on this stuff has definitely taken it's tole on my poor stomach. Plus, I hadn't really had any Lyme or Bartonella symptoms for about two months. So, I got approval to take a two-week break! Yay! I was ecstatic as I knew that would allow me to add some things back into my diet that I had previously had to remove because of my Candida issue. Before, whenever I took an antibiotic break, I started noticing major cognitive issues starting on about day 4 of my break. However, this time, I have not noticed any. That is a praise!!! We are hoping that it stays this way.
Now, I will get to my own personal slippery slope. Although I haven't dealt with Lyme or Bartonella symptoms, my body has been extremely temperamental. I feel we just begin to get our footings, and then I have another reaction that sets me back awhile. Lately, I have had to try quite a few things, so it's been difficult to know what is setting me off and what isn't. Today, we tried to go to church, but unfortunately, it was not successful. I headed in already set off from something I was exposed to the night before, and we had to leave after 20 minutes. I am still recovering and the hard part is we are not sure if it's the new supplement I started taking yesterday or some make-up I tried to wear. I have struggled with all kinds of unpleasant symptoms all day.
It's times like these that I really wrestle. I hate when an attempt to try something new is unsuccessful. It shakes my confidence in the improvements I have made and also makes me concerned about the next attempt. It also is VERY hard when I have no idea what is setting me off because I can't fix it. It's especially tricky when dealing with a supplement that doesn't necessarily give me an allergic reaction when I swallow the pill, but it sets off my histamine system in general and starts making me allergic to everything or it sets off my autonomic nervous system, and I get a whole host of other icky symptoms. So, you can see the quandary that we are so often in. Currently, my skin is on fire, I have had horrible heart palpitations and my face is itchy. I am also reacting to a lot of my "safe foods". However, I have no idea what the culprit is, and I really need to keep taking this folic acid as I am severely deficient. So, I will just stay the course until it's gets intolerable. I am hoping that my body will calm down soon! Please pray for that.
I had a phone appointment on Thursday with my doctor's ND. He said I can stay off the antibiotics unless I notice symptoms starting to come back. That is awesome for my diet. We are going to try to work on the Candida in the next month. It is SOOOO great to not have to take them right now. However, at the same time, I am concerned about losing ground. I was actually surprised he let me stay off of them indefinitely. Most physicians have you do two weeks on and two weeks off for a bit and then you go down to one week and so on. However, I do love the break! One of the ways my body reacts when the infection starts to take over is I become very allergically sensitive. So, that is probably why we are paying such close attention to all of my reactions lately.
All this to say, in my current state, it's hard to know what's happening. We don't know if I am backsliding, if I am just set off by the make-up or if the new supplement is setting me off. Whatever it is, we need to figure it out soon as I am just miserable. It's also pretty hard emotionally when I have to be so restricted, and we don't why. It's also VERY hard to have had an unsuccessful attempt at going to church. This is something I look forward to every week. It was very disappointing to have to leave this morning. Ironically, the entire service was on healing.
Please be praying for us. We are in a very precarious state right now trying to figure out what my body can handle and what it can't. Some of it is amazing because we are seeing steps of progress and other parts are hard to deal with because we are wondering if these areas will ever fully recover. We are dealing with experiencing a little taste of freedom, and then having to back track into a controlled environment to get my body to calm down and recover. We are also battling the uncertainty of not knowing whether we stopped antibiotics too early and how to recognize an infection set back verses just dealing with residual side effects of having Lyme Disease and Bartonella. Also, please be praying for our emotions. They are up, down and all around. We are exhausted from this journey, and it's hard to think that the chemical sensitivities and extreme allergic reactions are here to stay. We keep hoping that the Lord would grant us a break-through, and sometimes we see glimpses; however, the next week we go back to where we were before. So, it's one emotional roller coaster. Brian probably handles it better than I do as I am a girl. :) Finally, Brian is set to go on a week long business trip in the next couple of weeks. This is not good timing as my body is still pretty messed up, but I'll make it. :) Please just be praying for safety for both of us!
That's all for now! Sorry, this is so long. That's what happens when you don't update for two weeks. :) Talk to you soon!
I apologize for skipping a week of updates. My job has been crazy. My boss is currently on vacation and she left me in charge of the training program and all of the new employees. That was supposed to be my role, but it ended up being a lot more as I had to step in and fill some of the gaps that were left open since she has been out of the office. Did I mention my boss is the Director of Operations? So, you can only imagine the pressures and work hours! Yes, I pretty much worked from 5am to 9pm at night last week. I would have maybe an hour or two off during the middle of the day, but that was it! I think this made me realize I like being in upper management, but I definitely never want to be the commander in chief. :)
Now, I will talk about the title of this blog post. Have you ever been rock climbing in the rain? :) Brian and I are not the most athletic people. We would not be the ones to go rock climbing, and we are definitely not thrill seekers; however, when we were on our honeymoon in Jamaica we climbed up "Dunn's River Falls". This was actually the waterfall that they used in the scene in the movie titled "Cocktail" with Tom Cruise. We laughed later because if that tourist attraction had been in the US, you would have had to sign a ton of "I will not sue if I die" waivers. :)
It was raining the day we embarked on our adventure, so that made the rocks very slippery. It was hard to find a steady and firm place for your foot. The rocks on the waterfall were so steep that you had to scale up diagonally slowly making your way to the top. There were no handrails and no safety ropes. We all followed our guide single file and during the steep parts you had to hold hands with the person in front and back of you. I had visions of one of us falling and pulling the rest of us down. I think by the time we reached the top (and breathed a sigh of relief), we had all fallen at least twice. Let me tell you, it would have been a long drop to the bottom. It is a great memory, but I am not sure if I would attempt that again.
I think this experience applies to my health journey at this moment. I have been off antibiotics for almost two weeks! It will be two weeks tomorrow. On July 25th, I called my Lyme doctor and told him that every time I took the antibiotics, I had horrible stomach pain. In my opinion, I think 2 years on this stuff has definitely taken it's tole on my poor stomach. Plus, I hadn't really had any Lyme or Bartonella symptoms for about two months. So, I got approval to take a two-week break! Yay! I was ecstatic as I knew that would allow me to add some things back into my diet that I had previously had to remove because of my Candida issue. Before, whenever I took an antibiotic break, I started noticing major cognitive issues starting on about day 4 of my break. However, this time, I have not noticed any. That is a praise!!! We are hoping that it stays this way.
Now, I will get to my own personal slippery slope. Although I haven't dealt with Lyme or Bartonella symptoms, my body has been extremely temperamental. I feel we just begin to get our footings, and then I have another reaction that sets me back awhile. Lately, I have had to try quite a few things, so it's been difficult to know what is setting me off and what isn't. Today, we tried to go to church, but unfortunately, it was not successful. I headed in already set off from something I was exposed to the night before, and we had to leave after 20 minutes. I am still recovering and the hard part is we are not sure if it's the new supplement I started taking yesterday or some make-up I tried to wear. I have struggled with all kinds of unpleasant symptoms all day.
It's times like these that I really wrestle. I hate when an attempt to try something new is unsuccessful. It shakes my confidence in the improvements I have made and also makes me concerned about the next attempt. It also is VERY hard when I have no idea what is setting me off because I can't fix it. It's especially tricky when dealing with a supplement that doesn't necessarily give me an allergic reaction when I swallow the pill, but it sets off my histamine system in general and starts making me allergic to everything or it sets off my autonomic nervous system, and I get a whole host of other icky symptoms. So, you can see the quandary that we are so often in. Currently, my skin is on fire, I have had horrible heart palpitations and my face is itchy. I am also reacting to a lot of my "safe foods". However, I have no idea what the culprit is, and I really need to keep taking this folic acid as I am severely deficient. So, I will just stay the course until it's gets intolerable. I am hoping that my body will calm down soon! Please pray for that.
I had a phone appointment on Thursday with my doctor's ND. He said I can stay off the antibiotics unless I notice symptoms starting to come back. That is awesome for my diet. We are going to try to work on the Candida in the next month. It is SOOOO great to not have to take them right now. However, at the same time, I am concerned about losing ground. I was actually surprised he let me stay off of them indefinitely. Most physicians have you do two weeks on and two weeks off for a bit and then you go down to one week and so on. However, I do love the break! One of the ways my body reacts when the infection starts to take over is I become very allergically sensitive. So, that is probably why we are paying such close attention to all of my reactions lately.
All this to say, in my current state, it's hard to know what's happening. We don't know if I am backsliding, if I am just set off by the make-up or if the new supplement is setting me off. Whatever it is, we need to figure it out soon as I am just miserable. It's also pretty hard emotionally when I have to be so restricted, and we don't why. It's also VERY hard to have had an unsuccessful attempt at going to church. This is something I look forward to every week. It was very disappointing to have to leave this morning. Ironically, the entire service was on healing.
Please be praying for us. We are in a very precarious state right now trying to figure out what my body can handle and what it can't. Some of it is amazing because we are seeing steps of progress and other parts are hard to deal with because we are wondering if these areas will ever fully recover. We are dealing with experiencing a little taste of freedom, and then having to back track into a controlled environment to get my body to calm down and recover. We are also battling the uncertainty of not knowing whether we stopped antibiotics too early and how to recognize an infection set back verses just dealing with residual side effects of having Lyme Disease and Bartonella. Also, please be praying for our emotions. They are up, down and all around. We are exhausted from this journey, and it's hard to think that the chemical sensitivities and extreme allergic reactions are here to stay. We keep hoping that the Lord would grant us a break-through, and sometimes we see glimpses; however, the next week we go back to where we were before. So, it's one emotional roller coaster. Brian probably handles it better than I do as I am a girl. :) Finally, Brian is set to go on a week long business trip in the next couple of weeks. This is not good timing as my body is still pretty messed up, but I'll make it. :) Please just be praying for safety for both of us!
That's all for now! Sorry, this is so long. That's what happens when you don't update for two weeks. :) Talk to you soon!
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