Hey Everyone! Sorry it's been so long since I have posted. It's been a rough couple of weeks, and I just haven't had the energy or the brain-power. :) However, this post is long overdue, so here it goes.
I am almost done with my graduate class. We have a virtual meeting with our professor on Tuesday evening, and then I have to finish a couple of reviews of my group members. After that I will be DONE! I can't believe it! I will actually have a master's degree! It's exciting! :) All of thus work has truly paid off. There were so many times I just wanted to throw in the towel as I was trying to do treatment at the same time as all of my grad work, but I persevered and now I will have a degree to show for it. Yay! :)
Okay, now for the health update which not been as pleasant. Let me start off by telling you about the week of the 10th. That was the first week I went to church. I wrote a blog post after that experience. It was so wonderful! However, after that experience, a new adventure began. We are not sure what is the cause as we had so many things happen that it's hard to know what came first-the chicken or the egg.
The Monday after we went to church, I had a HORRIBLE reaction to turkey. It took 3 days before my stomach recovered. My guess is the turkey that we tried has some kind of added solution to it that I must have been severely allergic to. At the same time, my job ramped up and I started having to work about 12 to 13 hours a day. Let me tell you, it has not been stress free. I still love training the new hires (virtually of course), but the stress has not been great on my body. We are ramping up for a new tutoring program which is why there is such an increase in new employees. So hopefully, in the next few weeks, it will slow down. Brian and I have had a lot of talks about life-work balance as I have literally had to be glued to my computer. Starting a new position is never easy, but add in health issues, and it's one major challenge.
After my turkey episode, we went straight into the puppy adventure. July 15th was supposed to be puppy day. However, we got a message from the breeder on the 12th that our puppy would be flying into Phoenix on the 13th because of the heat index that coming Friday. We were definitely not ready, but really had not choice. Brian left after work to go get him. This was not great timing in so many ways. Brian's work has been crazy and mine has been too. However, what can ya do?! It was out of our hands.
After Brian got to Phoenix, his car wouldn't start. He was at Delta Cargo, in extremely hot weather with a new puppy-probably not on his top 10 list of best experiences, lol. Thankfully, God provided an amazing airport mechanic who got Brian's car started so that we didn't have to have it towed. We prayed him all the way home, and he made it barely. Yay God! We took the car in the next day, and after a $1100 we got it back. Talk about a hit to the budget! Car repairs are never convenient.
To be honest, I was pretty nervous about getting the puppy. I guess I just had a gut feeling that it wasn't going to work, but I plowed ahead since I didn't want fear to stop me. Well, we got the puppy home, and within 2 hours I was SOOOO sick. I was covered in hives which is a new thing for me. Most of the time, I only get a blotchy red rash on my shoulders and chest; however, this time it was from head to toe. I started reacting to all of my foods which was not surprising since the dog was setting me off so bad. The strange thing is I am not allergic to our current dog Toby. I have never been allergic to dogs. Toby sleeps on my bed, and I am around him all the time. So, my reaction to this puppy was baffling. We thought maybe he was exposed to something before we got him, so we gave him a bath. However, that didn't help at all.
My reactions got so bad that I couldn't even be within 10 feet of him. Brian had to stay home the next day because I was so unstable, and he ended up having to go back to Phoenix the following day to fly the puppy back to the breeder. It was such a stressful 36 hours. After he got home, he had to basically deep clean the entire house (or at least wherever the puppy walked) before I was able to re-enter the land of the living. :P I am telling you....I have such an AMAZING husband. We have been at this a long time, and when I am exposed to something that makes me dangerously ill, he just flips into action. By this time, he knows what needs to be done as far as how to clean and basically decontaminate the house. He does it without being asked and without a complaint-one incredible man!
Although we were told the dog was the same breed as Toby, he just didn't look right. His hair and body structure were completely different. We actually feel pretty strongly that the Mother or Father was probably not a pure bred like we were told. However, it's still strange that I had such a bad reaction to it. Since I got ill about 7 years ago, I have been around a TON of dogs. I have never reacted like this. The other factor that probably did play a roll in my intense allergic reaction was the fact that my body was already very set off because of the stress I have been under at work. Stress and the histamine system are not a good combination especially in my body. It always seems that my allergic reactions get so much worse. So, it's not a total surprise that I reacted so adversely. My reaction was so bad that it actually wasn't that hard to get rid of the puppy emotionally. He was cute, and I was a little sad, but I don't know how we would have survived the last week if he would have been here with our schedules and also with my allergies. So, I can see God's hand in it even though it has been less than pleasant.
After all of these events, it's been hard for my body to recover. My autonomic nervous system has pretty much thrown a temper tantrum. We have realized that although I have made a lot of progress in the infection area, my body has not gotten to the point where it can handle a lot of outside stress which includes exposure to a ton of allergens and also just physical or emotional stress. We have learned that stability is the key, and if the boat gets rocked, it's hard to come back.
So, as I write this, I am still experiencing a lot of unpleasant side effects. I am pretty tired, and I have a had a lot of flushing and random allergic reactions. I have also had a lot of tachycardia episodes along with nausea and dizziness. If I take Ativan, everything goes away as it calms down my autonomic nervous system; however, Ativan has a short half-life and there are also unpleasant side effects with that drug. I am sure things will eventually calm down, but it will take time. I am not a naturally patient person, so it's hard for me to wait it out especially after how well I have been feeling the last couple of months.
Emotionally, it's been a little discouraging for us. It's hard to think I have gone backwards, so we are just holding onto hope that this was just a blip caused by outside factors. It's also hard to know what has made me so sick. We are leaning towards NOT thinking it was due to the fact we started going to church. There were too many outside factors that could have sent my body over the edge. So, we will still continue to press on as far as attending when I feel well enough to go. It's also a little difficult to go back into an isolated state after experiencing a taste of the world. There is something about the taste of freedom that makes you yearn for more. To be able to attend church was like the doors were finally opening to our small confined world. So, it's been a little difficult to have to put up the barriers of protection again even if it's only for a small amount of time.
Finally, it's been hard to realize that maybe my body isn't as stable as we thought it was. Awhile back, we had a physician talk to us about how there might be some residual effects of the damage from Lyme Disease. We have been praying and hoping that will not be the case, but after experiencing what we experienced the last couple of weeks, it's looking like there might be some unpleasant symptoms that might be here to stay for the long haul. My autonomic nervous system seems to be trigger happy. There really isn't a drug that can fix that. Yes, getting the infections under control will reduce the burden on that system; however, this might be something I have to be careful of the rest of my life. It's sad because it effects so much as far as what I can tolerate, but it might be our reality. Obviously, we are still holding out hope that it's not because we believe that God can fully heal this area, but at the same time, we have had to come to the realization that this might be an ongoing battle.
Well, I think I have gone on long enough. Please be praying that my body will bounce back quickly from the events of the last couple of weeks. I am pretty miserable, and it seems like the recovery process is at a snail pace. Please also be praying that God would give us wisdom in how far we can push my body. It seems like it's such a balancing act, and we have definitely not mastered it yet. Please also pray for continued strength and encouragement. It's never easy to deal with setbacks or bumps; however, we know we are not on this journey alone. Thanks for your continued support and prayers!
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Re-Entry :)
Hello! I have a huge graduate assignment to work on, but as you can see, I would rather write a blog post. :) These are much more fun! I actually turned in my graduate portfolio last week. I should hear back within a week to see if I need to make any changes. I have one huge assignment left for my graduate degree. I thought I was going to have to do 3, but my professor changed our syllabus! I was shocked, and so relieved as the other 2 assignments were going to be awful. I am so excited to be done! I can't believe that I made it through Lyme treatment and came out with a graduate degree on the other side! :)
Brian's CPA exam on Friday went good. He said it was hard. He also stated that there really isn't a way to tell if he passed or not. I am sure he did though. The way they calculate the final score is by measuring you against the other people who took the test at the same time. So, it's impossible to know whether you answered enough questions to get a passing grade since you don't know how the others did. We should find out in about 6 to 8 weeks. Brian's good at waiting, but I am not. :)
Well, big news for today.....We went to church!!!!! We attended for the first time in 5 years. I can't put into words how wonderful it was to worship in a corporate setting. I successfully stayed in the building the whole time. God is so good! We have been waiting so long for this moment. My health has improved quite a bit. I wouldn't say I am functioning at 100%, but for now, it's at a point where I can push through when I don't feel great. I didn't have any reactions while I was there, but I haven't felt the greatest since I've been home. I can tell it taxed my system, but it was SO worth it. We will continue to try to attend regularly unless it causes me to backslide too much. We praise the Lord for this step! It means the world to us. The church service was amazing, and we are really looking forward to the time where Brian can get back into playing on a worship team, and I can start helping out with the children's ministry and/or attend a women's bible study. All in God's timing!
I named the title of this post "Re-entry" because I think this is something that people don't often think about when someone has been ill for so long. However, it's something very real especially when you have had to deal with such a long-term isolating illness. As I was standing in the sanctuary today, it was a surreal experience. I looked around me and saw everyone worshiping. It was so great to be able to participate for the first time in so long. However, at the same time, it was a little difficult to be out and about like nothing happened. We walked into church where we hardly knew anyone, and with us, we carry remnants of the battle we have fought for the last 5 years. Personally, I have always been a VERY outgoing person. Anyone who knows me knows that I am usually the first one to go up and talk to new people, and I love interacting with everyone. However, as I stood there this morning, I found myself wanting to hang back, not really wanting anyone to notice me and actually being a little shy. I was kind of shocked because this is SO not my natural personality.
Many people who suffer long-term illnesses, especially those with Lyme Disease who have usually gone years being ill without a diagnosis, go through an adjustment period when they re-enter the world. Some say it's almost like PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). I would have to agree. Before we treated for Bartonella, I had horrible anxiety when I went places. Now that we have that infection in my brain under control, my re-entry issue is more shyness than anything. I know that's not a bad thing, but I think it bothers me because I know it's not me! I am not a naturally shy person. I am sure things will get better with time. I think it was just a shock to see my reaction.
Another area that I struggle a bit when thinking about re-entry is celebrating the positive steps forward when you have been through so much trauma. I know that seems like a no-brainer, but it's actually quite difficult. For years, it seemed like we had disappointment after disappointment and trial after trial. Now, I am always looking behind me wondering if this might just be a glimpse of positive change instead of a permanent change. I guess I just expect that things will go backwards. I know that is not necessarily what will happen, and that is not faith. However, that is how I protect my heart from disappointment when and if the other shoe does drop. I know that should not be my attitude. Brian keeps me accountable when I start second guessing our gains. :) Again, I think it will just take time to heal.
I am not saying I am not thrilled and excited about this giant break-through. Boy, I am. I just want to be honest about the emotions that I am going through as I re-enter after being isolated for so long. I pray with all my heart that this is permanent and that things will just keep improving. God, can and is able to do it! We have the Great Physician working on our team, and it's our hope and prayer that in a few months I can report that I am regularly attending a women's bible study along with participating in other ministries. We are taking things slow to see what my body can handle, but we are celebrating each step forward which is definitely a gift from above.
So, as we take these baby steps and our world opens up, please be praying for us. Pray for emotional healing along with continued physical healing. Please also pray that our successes will continue. We are so excited to think that this may be the start of us being out in the world again! Blessings to you my friends!
Brian's CPA exam on Friday went good. He said it was hard. He also stated that there really isn't a way to tell if he passed or not. I am sure he did though. The way they calculate the final score is by measuring you against the other people who took the test at the same time. So, it's impossible to know whether you answered enough questions to get a passing grade since you don't know how the others did. We should find out in about 6 to 8 weeks. Brian's good at waiting, but I am not. :)
Well, big news for today.....We went to church!!!!! We attended for the first time in 5 years. I can't put into words how wonderful it was to worship in a corporate setting. I successfully stayed in the building the whole time. God is so good! We have been waiting so long for this moment. My health has improved quite a bit. I wouldn't say I am functioning at 100%, but for now, it's at a point where I can push through when I don't feel great. I didn't have any reactions while I was there, but I haven't felt the greatest since I've been home. I can tell it taxed my system, but it was SO worth it. We will continue to try to attend regularly unless it causes me to backslide too much. We praise the Lord for this step! It means the world to us. The church service was amazing, and we are really looking forward to the time where Brian can get back into playing on a worship team, and I can start helping out with the children's ministry and/or attend a women's bible study. All in God's timing!
I named the title of this post "Re-entry" because I think this is something that people don't often think about when someone has been ill for so long. However, it's something very real especially when you have had to deal with such a long-term isolating illness. As I was standing in the sanctuary today, it was a surreal experience. I looked around me and saw everyone worshiping. It was so great to be able to participate for the first time in so long. However, at the same time, it was a little difficult to be out and about like nothing happened. We walked into church where we hardly knew anyone, and with us, we carry remnants of the battle we have fought for the last 5 years. Personally, I have always been a VERY outgoing person. Anyone who knows me knows that I am usually the first one to go up and talk to new people, and I love interacting with everyone. However, as I stood there this morning, I found myself wanting to hang back, not really wanting anyone to notice me and actually being a little shy. I was kind of shocked because this is SO not my natural personality.
Many people who suffer long-term illnesses, especially those with Lyme Disease who have usually gone years being ill without a diagnosis, go through an adjustment period when they re-enter the world. Some say it's almost like PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). I would have to agree. Before we treated for Bartonella, I had horrible anxiety when I went places. Now that we have that infection in my brain under control, my re-entry issue is more shyness than anything. I know that's not a bad thing, but I think it bothers me because I know it's not me! I am not a naturally shy person. I am sure things will get better with time. I think it was just a shock to see my reaction.
Another area that I struggle a bit when thinking about re-entry is celebrating the positive steps forward when you have been through so much trauma. I know that seems like a no-brainer, but it's actually quite difficult. For years, it seemed like we had disappointment after disappointment and trial after trial. Now, I am always looking behind me wondering if this might just be a glimpse of positive change instead of a permanent change. I guess I just expect that things will go backwards. I know that is not necessarily what will happen, and that is not faith. However, that is how I protect my heart from disappointment when and if the other shoe does drop. I know that should not be my attitude. Brian keeps me accountable when I start second guessing our gains. :) Again, I think it will just take time to heal.
I am not saying I am not thrilled and excited about this giant break-through. Boy, I am. I just want to be honest about the emotions that I am going through as I re-enter after being isolated for so long. I pray with all my heart that this is permanent and that things will just keep improving. God, can and is able to do it! We have the Great Physician working on our team, and it's our hope and prayer that in a few months I can report that I am regularly attending a women's bible study along with participating in other ministries. We are taking things slow to see what my body can handle, but we are celebrating each step forward which is definitely a gift from above.
So, as we take these baby steps and our world opens up, please be praying for us. Pray for emotional healing along with continued physical healing. Please also pray that our successes will continue. We are so excited to think that this may be the start of us being out in the world again! Blessings to you my friends!
Friday, July 1, 2011
What a week!
Hey folks. I don't have a lot of time to write, but I wanted to let you know that we are still doing well. I have been really busy with work and training. I LOVE it; however, it does make for long days. I get up at 4:30am and then work a tutoring shift from 5 to 8am. Then I usually train 1 or 2 students and then tutor from 2 to 5pm. After that, I either have had to train again or I have had to have a group meeting (virtually of course) for my graduate course. I can not tell you how CHALLENGING this last grad course is. My group members and I were talking, and we are definitely glad we took this course at the end of our track. If we had taken it in the beginning, I think all of us would have quit or changed our major! :P
So, my schedule is crazy, but I am loving it. It's just so nice to have more responsibility and to be able to do what I love! Brian is studying so hard for the last section of the CPA exam. His birthday was on Wednesday! Happy 31st Birthday Brian! :) Unfortunately, he is T minus 7 days until the big exam, so he ordered a pizza (for his birthday treat) and studied the night away. Poor guy! He will be so glad when July 8th rolls around and it's over. Then, we will play the waiting game to see if he passed (which I am sure he will).
Jackson also arrives on July 8th! It's going to be an insane couple of weeks until my grad class is done. July 31st can't get here fast enough! We are excited to get the little guy though. I have been waiting with anticipation all week! I hope these next 7 days go by fast, but Brian doesn't because he wants more time to study. :) Please be praying for Brian's test. This is a really hard one and for his sake, he really needs to pass it on the first time. I have all the confidence he will, but he still has a lot to review before next Friday!
I have a phone appointment with my doctor's naturopathic on July 7th. It's a time where I can inform him of all the meds and supplements I have tried and can't tolerate, and he can tell me to try more. :) Always fun on the pocketbook, lol. He does usually have some good ideas. I think I have actually stabilized. I am really hungry all the time which that isn't fun. However, that has more to do with my diet than anything. I am still tired, and the Candida is still present, but the stuff I am doing to counteract it is working. At least, it enables me to eat carbs and fruit a couple of times a week and also helps me have enough energy to get through the day. We would appreciate prayers for total healing. I would love to not have to battle this at the same time as treatment.
Well, that's it for today. Not much to report. Still thankful for all that God is doing and has blessed us with especially in the last couple of weeks. He is good! All the time! :)
So, my schedule is crazy, but I am loving it. It's just so nice to have more responsibility and to be able to do what I love! Brian is studying so hard for the last section of the CPA exam. His birthday was on Wednesday! Happy 31st Birthday Brian! :) Unfortunately, he is T minus 7 days until the big exam, so he ordered a pizza (for his birthday treat) and studied the night away. Poor guy! He will be so glad when July 8th rolls around and it's over. Then, we will play the waiting game to see if he passed (which I am sure he will).
Jackson also arrives on July 8th! It's going to be an insane couple of weeks until my grad class is done. July 31st can't get here fast enough! We are excited to get the little guy though. I have been waiting with anticipation all week! I hope these next 7 days go by fast, but Brian doesn't because he wants more time to study. :) Please be praying for Brian's test. This is a really hard one and for his sake, he really needs to pass it on the first time. I have all the confidence he will, but he still has a lot to review before next Friday!
I have a phone appointment with my doctor's naturopathic on July 7th. It's a time where I can inform him of all the meds and supplements I have tried and can't tolerate, and he can tell me to try more. :) Always fun on the pocketbook, lol. He does usually have some good ideas. I think I have actually stabilized. I am really hungry all the time which that isn't fun. However, that has more to do with my diet than anything. I am still tired, and the Candida is still present, but the stuff I am doing to counteract it is working. At least, it enables me to eat carbs and fruit a couple of times a week and also helps me have enough energy to get through the day. We would appreciate prayers for total healing. I would love to not have to battle this at the same time as treatment.
Well, that's it for today. Not much to report. Still thankful for all that God is doing and has blessed us with especially in the last couple of weeks. He is good! All the time! :)
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