Up down and all around...

Hey folks! Sorry it's been so long. I could have written last week, but I just wasn't in a good emotional place. It's been pretty hard to deal with the backslide, so writing about it seemed overwhelming. I am doing a bit better now, so I am finally in a place where I could handle sharing about it.

Hmmm...where to start? First, I want to say thank you to of all of you who have been a listening ear and such an encouragement to me. I have a couple of dear friends who are also sick with Lyme. Even though they are struggling, they never fail to encourage and lift others up. Thank you so much girls! My husband has also been amazing. He listens to me, encourages me and makes me always see the good side of our situation. I am one lucky girl!

This journey is filled with so many ups and downs. When you feel great, you celebrate, but at the same time you are cautious because you know things could change quickly. I remember in June and July when I was doing so well, it was hard for me to really get excited because I was worried that something would happen. Just about the time when I started coming around emotionally and even started making plans for the future, my body decided to take a trip back to never never land. :P So, that is why this has been so hard to deal with. I got a taste of what it was like to start living a normal life (well not normal to a regular person, but a little bit more normal for me), and then I have had to deal with having to go back to being extremely careful what I come in contact with. It has hit me hard emotionally.

After I relapsed, Brian and I decided we would contact our local chuch (that we went to only a couple of times), and tell them our situation. We were going to ask if we could have some people come to our house every so often so we could get some Christian fellowship. However, now I am at a place where I get set off so easily and the reactions affect my blood pressure. So, we can't do that at this time. That is hard to swallow as I think finally, after 6 years of being isolated, it is really starting to get to us. Brian is going to start attending church regularly and wants to get involved in a men's bible study. So, the strict isolation is more on my side. I have still been able to take some trips in the car to stores. I have even been in a few, but I can't stay very long without getting pretty sick.

Lately, I have been reading James 1. A few of the verses have been really ministering to my heart and carrying me through this tough time. I will share a few with you...

"Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So, let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. James 1:2-4 NLT

I really like the translation of the Message for this same passage. It says...

"Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in anyway."

I love the word picture of "faith-life". That is what life is all about. It's one big faith walk; however, we have our loving savior walking on that path with us. It's not a smooth journey, but we can take comfort in the fact that Jesus is there to hold us up when times get tough and won't let us slip. I know it's such a Christian cliche to say, but it's really true. I often just visualize the Lord taking my hand and leading us through this rocky time. It helps!

The other part in these verses that I like is when it says "don't try to get out of anything prematurely". Boy, is that convicting. If I only considered my human nature and desires, I would gladly take an escape hatch right now; however, that is not how I will grow, and would not be part of God's plan. It's been hard and tough, and lately, to be honest, I have wanted to give up, but that is not how I should run this race. I need to do what our wedding verse said (Hebrews 12:1-2) which is to run this race with perseverance keeping our eyes focused on the only place it they should be - on Jesus.

This week is a HUGE week for us. We have been waiting and waiting and waiting for this week. Okay, I have been desperately waiting for September 9th. On September 8th, we will leave Tucson to drive to San Francisco for my doctor's appointment on the 9th. It's at 2pm. Please be praying for this. We have so many questions to get answered in a short amount of time. We have a lot of decisions that need to be made, and we really need a new treatment plan. Please pray that we can bring our doctor quickly up to speed, and that he will know exactly what to do with me. We want to beat this thing, and we desperately need the Lord to give him the wisdom on how to do it with my crazy body. Please also be praying for safe travel and no reactions. It's been a trying month with how my body has freaked out. I seem to be pretty unstable, so we are not sure how well I will tolerate scent filled environments and the long car ride. Also, please be praying that Brian will be blessed with energy to drive for the trip. I am a bit too out of it to help with the driving, and it's always so demanding on him when we go up and back with in 72 hours (it's a 15 hour drive from Tucson). His work has been pretty intense lately, so he is already going into this trip pretty tired.

Well, I need to get to bed. Thanks in advance for your prayers. We'll update when we get back. Through God, we will have the victory!!! Below is a song that has been really encouraging to me. I pray it will bless you also. You will have to hit pause on my blog music player before listening to the song. Enjoy!