Another early morning or late night...it's all the same in insomnia land!

Sleep...What is that? I'm beginning to lose the definition. My body is deciding that 3 hours of sleep is what it needs instead of a whole night OR that the time to sleep is in the day. This does not work great with my treatment, work and school schedule. I am trying to make the best of it and go to sleep when I am tired even if it's at strange hours, but then I think that further enhances the "no sleep at night" issue. What a mess! I am beginning to see a pattern though. It seems like the more Rifampin I have in my system, the less I can sleep at night. Thankfully, Sundays and Mondays are usually good sleeping days. I just wish that I could have 7 good sleeping days instead of 2. Maybe, someday! :P

Let's see...I don't have a ton to report. I haven't started on the herbal protocol yet. I am still waiting on my doctor's office to send it to me. I sent a fax for the request last week, and haven't heard a word. So, I will probably call them on Monday. This week was a normal treatment week, but....wait for it....(I had to add that in for those who watch the show "How I Met your Mother", lol), it is HOPEFULLY my last week of IV antibiotic treatment. In my previous post, I explained our reasonings for wanting to switch to orals (finances, finances and more finances...oh and also that we aren't seeing big gains). So, tonight I tried my first oral azithromycin pill and so far no reactions. I tend to react to the inert ingredients, but this was from a special pharmacy, so I am guessing I will tolerate it okay. Now, the big thing will be whether or not I stay somewhat cognitively stable on oral azith. I have one month of INTENSE school work left. I have a ton of projects and papers, and I can't afford to be out in la la Lyme land. So, we are desperately praying that this works. We could probably afford to do one more month of IV if we had to. It would be a stretch, but we could make it. However, we would rather save our funds for future doctor's visits and oral medications. So, please continue to pray for the next two or three weeks, and that I wouldn't notice a change in my symptoms.

The lovely devil pill (my nickname for Rifampin) is still reaping havoc. Brian and I were talking tonight and we think that quite possibly I am bouncing back from the weekly hit sooner these days. It's hard to tell when the end of the week gets so bad on that drug. We have also discussed the possibility of what to do about this drug. This will be my 4th week, and we haven't seen that much of an improvement. It could be because I need to take it longer each week for us to see gains (Oh Lord help me) or that it's not doing anything, but making me super ill. It's so hard to know what to push through and when it's time to throw in the towel with Lyme Disease. The flare of symptoms can mean that it's working or it can just be how your body reacts to the drug. Who the heck knows! Originally, they wanted me to take it 4 days instead of 3 and although that scares me to death to think what 4 days of the red evil pill would do, we might try it next week just to see what happens. It can't get any worse than it already is right? I am saying that to convince myself. Ha!

Brian got his blood drawn for his Lyme test on Monday, and it was sent off to Igenex lab. We should hear something in about 2 or 3 weeks. We are praying desperately that Brian does NOT have Lyme. I have no idea how we would afford treatment for both of us. I am having to lay that at the altar daily. We are still waiting to hear back about his last section of the CPA exam. Hopefully, in the next week or so he will get an e-mail letting us know he passed! I am sure he did. He is Mr. Smarty Pants. :) He is still doing very well at work and is about to run his own auditing job in a week or so. That is really exciting for him as it means that he is moving up on the responsibility ladder. I am so proud of him!

Well, spring is almost here and the weather is gorgeous. It's about 75 to 80 degrees now in Southern AZ. Love it! I have not been able to get out much because of how sick I have been lately, but just knowing it's beautiful out is refreshing. I have to admit that I have been really restless lately. I guess I am just tired of being sick, and I want to be out doing what I love which is teaching little kids. I think part of it stems from the fact that after this semester, I am one class away from graduating with a master's degree in education. With the state of our current finances, no matter how sick I feel, I have to work at least part-time. I have been looking for online teaching positions and have been coming up with nada. It's frustrating to now have the qualifications, but to not be able to use it because once again, my illness is holding me back. My dream would be to be back in a classroom, but I got this degree so it would open an opportunity for me to teach online. I would be qualified to design and implement E-learning programs K-12, college and/or corporate; however, the instructional design process does not appeal to me at all. I know how to do it, but the pressure that comes with those types of job would probably kill me. I just don't think I am cut out for that type of work. I am a teacher and will always be a teacher. So, back to my search...I have found a couple of opportunities teaching elementary students online, but once again, I can't do them because you have to be available for home visits in your assigned area and also organize class get togethers and field trips. SO FRUSTRATING!

Since I am obviously stuck at home for the time being, another area I have considered getting back into is virtual training. I was a corporate trainer for one year and loved the job, but just not the program I was training for. However, usually to obtain those jobs, you have to already be established with a virtual customer service firm and it's a couple of promotions away from the entry-level position. Where does that leave me? Well unfortunately, I need to find a new job that I can do out of my home. I love my current position which is tutoring South Korean students in English; however, the pay is extremely small and has become very unreliable. It makes me sad because this job is a perfect fit for me while I am getting better, but I am just not making enough money. I have applied at a couple of places to see what doors God opens up. Once this semester is over, I have also considered contacting my current company to see if they would have any potential training or management positions, but again, they are not the most reliable, so I am not sure if I want to risk it. Ugh, so many decisions. If you could just praying that God would guide and lead, I would appreciate it. I would LOVE to find a teaching position, but I am open to whatever God would have me do and if it's getting back into the "virtual call center scene" even though I will dread it, I will do it for our family. In general, working is difficult, but the best thing about working from home is I can do it from my bed. :) I am thankful that God has blessed me with work-at-home positions as I do know they are hard to come by. I am just praying that God is preparing the perfect job out there for me. I want to make a difference even with my current restrictions.

Before I go, I wanted to post a song that I found this week. It has been a big encouragement to me as I have wrestled with life being in what is seems like a perpetual hold. A quick background...the artist is a young girl in her 20's. Two years after she married her husband, he started developing cognitive issues and would fall asleep at the most random times. They went to the doctor, and he was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor. They were devastated. Through a miracle, he survived, but he now has a number of disabilities as result of his surgeries and treatments. In an interview, Laura Story talked about how on the one hand they are in awe of all that God has done and are so thankful for the blessings God has given them. Her husband is alive and they are forever grateful. However, on the other hand, they sometimes still struggle with the fact that God did not bring healing in a way that they would have wished and that life on a daily basis is challenging and definitely not what they had dreamed it would be. Her underlying message was that God brings blessings into our lives, but sometimes they are in the form of trials. It's what we do with those "blessings" that counts. We can get mad and angry at all that we lost or we can thank God for the opportunities He is giving us to grow and learn to trust Him more and more through the obstacles we face. What are your blessings? Have they come in the form of raindrops? What is your response?

Below is the video. I would encourage you to listen to the words. I hope they will minister to you as much as they did me. Remember to hit pause on my music player at the bottom of this blog so it doesn't interfere with the song. Blessings!