Our Sustainer

As I start this post, I am not so sure what to say.  It has been kind of an emotional and physical roller coaster this week.  To be quite honest, treatment has been hard, and it has been a struggle to keep my eyes focused on Jesus and to remain hopeful.  It's taking everything I can muster to hold tight to my Savior.  However, I think it's important to let my readers of this blog see both sides of the journey.  The happy, "correct focus", hopeful and joyful side, but also the struggle as your body fights the disease and the emotional battle of the unknown and the stresses that this disease brings.  I know I have explained before how this disease hits you on so many levels.  Not only do most people struggle physically, but since the bacteria has invaded your brain, it messes with you neurologically which leads to a roller coaster of emotions that you have to battle.

So, it's been a fight this week.  It's been hard to fight the doubts and discouragement. I watch so many of my friends who have seen multiple Lyme doctors, been through all kinds of natural and conventional treatments only to be suffering day in and day out with no end in sight.  It breaks my heart that there just hasn't been enough research done on this disease to help bring relief to this hurting community. I am sure things will be different in 20 to 50 years, but until then, it's hard to watch the difficult journeys unfold.  I wish all of them could be well.  I wish that they could play with their children, be a part of church ministries and perform normal day to day activities, but many of them have not gotten there yet.  They are working hard and doing everything they can to get well, but are still falling short.  Please pray for those that are suffering from this disease.  We need to go to battle spiritually and intercede for those that are hurting.

Wednesday was the most difficult physically.  I am now on Zithromycin along with 3 doses of Flagyl each day Monday-Thursday.  It hit me hard that day and I could barely move off of the couch after my last evening dose.  It was a chore to even take a breath.  I think I gave both Brian and my Mom quite a scare.  To be honest, it scared me too. I have never been that sick in my life.  I just wanted to give up and just surrender that white flag because it was just getting too hard.  However, that is not who I am and not who Jesus has called me to be. I do NOT give up. I will not surrender or let this disease win.  God will have the victory! 

So, on Thursday we started the drug round again, and by God's grace it was better.  It's still been pretty rough over the weekend. I have had a lot of fatigue, pain, dizziness and a new not so fun symptom that has popped up which is making it difficult to eat food.  It seems like everything I try to swallow induces a gag reflex.  It's not because my food is bad or that I am tired of it (although, it has been a long time where I have had a list of 2 to 12 foods), but it happens with everything that I eat.  Thankfully, I have been able to push through, but it has presented a new challenge.  I am also getting horrible stomach pains from the drugs.  I know it's IV, and it does pass the digestive tract; however, it still can affect your stomach.  So, we are working on trying to find some relief by trying some new things recommended by my doctor.  However, new drugs, supplements and remedies are always tough because we always have to risk setting my system off allergy-wise.  Tomorrow (Sunday) will be a big day as I begin to try some of the things.  We are praying for no reactions and for relief!

On Friday, I kind of hit a wall.  I was discouraged and battling a lot of the symptoms.  I was reading in the bible and I came across Psalm 54:4 which said "Surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who sustains me." I felt the Lord really communicate that He is my sustainer.  Later that evening, I listened to Louie Giglio's podcast from Passion City Church titled "Unstoppable".  Click on the title and it will link you to the podcast.  I would highly suggest listening to it!  Within his message, he talked about Isaiah 46 and how God is our sustainer no matter what we go through and how difficult it gets His plans for us are "unstoppable".  It was clear, that this was the message God was trying to speak to me.  Isaiah 46:3-4 says (emphasis mine) "Listen to me, O house of Jacob, all you who remain of the house of Israel, you whom I have upheld since you were conceived, and have carried since your birth.  Even to your old age and gray hairs I am He, I am He who will SUSTAIN you.  I have made you and I will CARRY you;  I will SUSTAIN you and I will RESCUE you." What an amazing promise. It's so easy to get lost amongst the physical and emotional pain, but we serve a God who is soveriegn, who can do miracles and who can SUSTAIN us through any trial or circumstance.

The song below has ministered to my heart a lot this week.  It's "I Will Rise" by Chris Tomlin. Remember, you will need to push pause on my music player at the bottom of this page so it doesn't interfere. 



So, that is a snapshot of the week.  It was tough, but it has been good to remember that God is our sustainer.  We do have a couple of prayer requests as we go forward this week.  We are set to increase my level of Zithromycin which will be hard.  I think once we get there though, this will be the last antibiotic increase that we will have to do for awhile. We'll hold steady at the doses until we start seeing some improvement or until we see a need to switch.

My mom will be leaving on Tuesday to go back to Omaha.  We have been so thankful for her help. It has been such a blessing to have her here, and it will definitely be an adjustment when she leaves.  Thank you Mom for sacrificing so much to help us! We know it took a lot of sacrifice to come down here and give up your life for six weeks, but we appreciate it more than words can say.  So, for the first time, I will be running my daily IVs by myself on Tuesday and Wednesday.  Please pray for peace, safety and strength.  We do have help flying in on Saturday, but we will be on our own for the first time since the end of August.  Thankfully, we are never truly alone as we know that God will be with us. :)

I don't have an insurance update yet. I did call them to see how things were going with the claims that I submitted and they gave me a reimbursement figure that was definitely not 50%.  We are thankful and blessed for anything we get, but we are praying hard that they will continue to cover half of my treatment.  God can do it, and we are trusting and believing him to provide.

That's all for today! Thank you for praying.  Your prayers are working and God is sustaining us through this journey.  Have a wonderful week my dear friends! Know that we are praying for you too!