Waiting on God's "Now"!

Happy December! I am warning you, this is a long blog post! :) I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving filled with good food, family, and lots of laughter! Brian and I both have about a two weeks left of school so the exams and projects are winding down. The end is in sight! Well, at least for Brian it is anyways. I have about another 1 1/2 to go. :) Brian won't be walking at his graduation (it's SO expensive, I can't believe they charge that much to take a walk down an aisle and shake someone's hand, Ha!), but we will be celebrating! What an accomplishment for him to be done with his second degree. He did an amazing job in his studies while working at the same time and taking care of a lot of the household duties because I have been so sick. He is one incredible man! He is really excited to start working in January at the accounting firm.

I (Dawn) started a treatment segment the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. The timing was actually a blessing because it enabled me to not have to work on Wednesday or Thursday as I usually do while I am undergoing the effects from the high doses of antibiotics. I was able to rest a lot which was good. Also, Brian was home quite a bit more on these two days which is always such a relief. My allergic reactions are so random, and the more treatment segments I go through, the more sensitive I seem to be getting. Sometimes I am more sensitive during my 5 days and sometimes after. Overall though, my first 3 to 4 days of treatment were tolerable, which was a nice change. Sunday was the most difficult to deal with because I have to add in the "evil drug". I have really felt the effects of this treatment lasting longer than the others. On top of the usual side effects, I had to deal with extreme vertigo episodes periodically through the first part of the week. There were a couple of times I didn't think I would make it to the kitchen as everything just seemed to be spinning. The bugs in my head are not liking the treatment, that is for sure. However, as I have said before, although the side effects of treatment are extremely unpleasant, at least we know we are on the right track, and that it's working to fight the infection. I am set to do my next treatment starting on December 16th. I must have counted wrong when I said it was the week of Christmas. So, I am excited about that!! It was not fun going through treatment on a holiday, which brings me to the story about our Thanksgiving. It has been quite an emotional week for us and the Lord has taught us a lot through it.

Now onto our Thanksgiving....I am going to write this next paragraph because I want to be honest, and I think it will give you a window into what we must deal with and the emotions that go with it. Some of these things may seem trivial; however, please keep in mind that this has been a long and very difficult journey emotionally. Sometimes, little things just add up before we can catch and readjust our focus. For some reason, this year's holiday, was more difficult than others have been. We have had to spend lots of holidays by ourselves since moving to Arizona; however, I think it was a culmination of certain events that day that made this one a struggle. We started the day not being able to cook a turkey like we usually do. I always have allergic reaction issues the first 3 hours of cooking a turkey and because we had to downsize in to a small apartment, we couldn't circulate the air (by opening windows) enough for me to be okay. So, we had to put a halt to that tradition until we get into a bigger place. Next came the Christmas tree. I literally wait all year to decorate a Christmas tree. I can't do much these days, but Christmas is something I always look forward to. I absolutely LOVE Christmas: Everything about it, celebrating our Savior's birth, the music, the lights, being able to give other's gifts and just the joy that seems to come with this season. Brian has a rule that we can't listen to Christmas music until Thanksgiving or I would be definitely playing "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas" in July. :) Anyways, back to the tree. We have had the same tree since the first year we were married. Surprisingly, it has never bothered me (of course it's fake). Well, a couple of months ago our storage unit flooded because of a faulty water heater and the damage caused our Christmas tree to get moldy. We obviously didn't discover this until we went to set it up. So to bring it into the apartment was definitely going to be a no go. Unfortunately, we can't buy a new tree because of how sensitive I am. Lately, most things that enter our apartment that are new have to detox for a couple of months outside before we can bring them in. An example of that would be new tennis shoes....Brian had to keep them outside on the porch for awhile before he could wear them in the house in order for them to "air out" or I start reacting. Crazy huh! Anyways, with those two things, along with another issue we were dealing with, on top of the constant isolation/restrictions we face because of my Lyme Disease, it just kind of hit us hard emotionally. We desperately missed our family and friends, and it was tough to get through the day. However, even as I type this out, I feel ashamed because I know that there are those that are less fortunate than us, those that are sicker, those that are poorer and those that have no hope because they do not know our Savior. Brian and I DO have many things to be thankful for. In fact, at the end of our emotional day, we sat down together and listed the things we are thankful for to gain some much needed perspective. We are truly rich in the Lord's blessing in so many ways and we need to remember that even when it's not easy to do.

I think I have mentioned before that Brian and I were reading a book called "Polishing God's Monuments" by Pastor Jim Andrews. This book addresses long-term suffering written directly from his experience with his daughter who has chemical sensitivities that far surpass anything you could ever imagine. Brian and I are nowhere close to what she and her husband have to deal with on a daily basis. However, it's such a good book to remind us when things get unbearable and when our earthly hope fades that we need to 1. Remember to focus on our eternal hope and 2. Polish our monuments (the things God has done for us).

As we came to the the last chapter, it talked about Moses's journey to free the Israelites. After Moses was commissioned by the Lord, he went to confront Pharoah. Moses was warned that Pharoah would not bend by his first request; however, Moses and Aaron quickly forgot that warning and went in with expectation of God's mighty movement only to be disappointed. Doubt came rushing in as the Israelites responded in anger because of the increasing burdens Pharoah placed on them as a result of Moses's request. What did Moses do? He did not run home and quit, he turned to God for his strength and comfort. He renewed his focus and trusted that someday God would bring a "Now" moment. This was Pastor Andrew's final concept in the book. We will all have God's "Now" moments in our life: Those times where a light comes in and the Lord seems to rush in with a miracle when we desperately need it the most. Brian and I have seen those happen during our journey. This last chapter spoke volumes to us as we were struggling over the last week. We can't lose hope and we have to have faith! It is such a good reminder to wait for those "Now" moments and look forward to them with expectation. Whether the "Now" moment of total healing from Lyme comes while I am on earth, or when I rise up to meet the Lord, we do not know; however, we do hold onto the hope that God will never stop using us for His glory whether it is through our testimony of endurance or a physical break-through.

So, as I come to a close, I encourage all of you, no matter what circumstances you are currently in or what may arise in your future, hold onto hope for God's "Now" moments and if they do not come while you are on earth, know that you will have the most glorious "Now" moment when you meet your Savior face to face in a place where you will be free from the burdens of this world. May the Lord reveal Himself to you in a new way during this Christmas season.

**I am going to add this video that I found late tonight. It's by Steven Curtis Chapman taken from his new album and the title of the song is "Our God is in Control". You will need to scroll down to the bottom of my blog and press pause on my blog music player so it doesn't interfere. As some of you might know, the Chapman family lost a young daughter to an unfortunate accident. His family's testimony and faith through it all has ministered to so many. As I listened to this video, I thought of so many of those I know that are suffering physically and emotionally because of Lyme Disease. Events on this earth may not make sense, but we need to cling to the promise that our God is truly in control!