Making it through...

Well, I decided to un-bury myself from my mound of homework for a couple of minutes and write a post. :) I am definitely in the throws of the semester and homework is all I see. It's been hard to balance everything, but so far, I am making it. I am just praying I can just plug away and make it to the first week in May! God is definitely helping me big time! I have huge projects this semester including 4 mega design presentation projects in one class and a big research project in my other class. The cool thing is I am going to be doing my first design project on Lyme Disease Awareness and my research project on Lyme Disease and how social media impacts patient education. I have big challenges ahead of me, but I am excited to be doing it about something I am passionate about. I will keep you posted about my projects as I might send out of a plea for help to all my blog readers who have Lyme Disease. :) I am going to need a lot of surveys completed as part of my data collection for my research project. So, if you are willing to participate and want to share a bit of your story, let me know!

Before I get to an update, I want to tell you a couple of things. First, I had the blessing of participating in an auction for one of my dear friends who is like a sister to me. I can't put into words how much her support and encouragement has impacted my life. She is always willing to help others in need and never thinks of herself. She is amazing and I am blessed beyond measure to have such a precious friend. She is extremely sick with Lyme Disease and has had to move out of her family's house. They can no longer support her physically or financially. She is too ill to work and is running out of money for food, medicine/supplements and also doctor's appointments. When I say extremely ill, I mean EXTREMELY ill. It makes my struggles look like a cake walk. She fights for her life day in and day out. A group of her friends decided to start an auction. It ends on Monday (Feb. 7th), so you still have time to bid!! Also, you can make a donation directly to her. Both the instructions for the auction and her donation page can be found at this link: Infectiously Optimistic

For the auction, I donated some of my bracelets that I am selling through my business Hope Creations. Another thing I wanted to announce was that in the next week or so there will be a new bracelet available for purchase at Hope Creations. This specific bracelet was designed by the friend I mentioned above and I, and it will be sold in her honor. All proceeds will go to help her with Lyme Disease treatment costs. The bracelet is BEAUTIFUL and I am excited to post the picture! I don't have all the beads in yet, but I should in the next couple of days. My goal is to have the picture posted by next Friday!

Now, for my other announcement:

♥ Hope Creations is having a Valentine's Day Sale! All Lyme Disease Awareness Bracelets are 20% off with free standard shipping! ♥

There has been a website design change on the product page too! So, check it out! It's the perfect time to buy your loved ones a beautiful bracelet that will make them smile and also help to raise awareness for Lyme Disease. :) Remember, 10% of the proceeds go to "Turn the Corner Foundation". Here is the link: Hope Creations

Okay, now onto my post. It's been kind of a difficult week emotionally and physically. I started back up on IV on Tuesday and hit me pretty hard. I guess, I was just hoping that since I had done so much treatment in the fall, that it wouldn't be that bad this time around, but unfortunately that was not the case. You know, it just further proves that Lyme Disease cannot be cured in 30 days. I did IV antibiotic therapy (that is supposed to hit the bugs a lot harder than orals), and the round this week hit me hard. Doctors who believe that short-term therapy is the cure-all, need to explain to me why I feel so stinkin' sick! Anyways, I had a lot of not-so-fun symptoms pop up again and some were a lot worse. I have been horribly nauseous and dizzy during IVs. I have had quite a bit of twitching and electric shock sensations that make parts of my body jump. I also have had a lot of numbness and tingling and for 4 hours yesterday, I couldn't feel my arms, face and hands. I could move them, but if I poked the skin, there was no sensation. Yikes! I am telling you that is some scary stuff. So I don't completely depress you, thankfully, I have noticed improvement cognitively. When I was off IV, I declined quite a bit. Brian was having to help me edit my grad papers and couldn't believe all the mistakes. However, since I started back up on IVs, I am doing a bit better.

So, you can see why it's hard not to get discouraged. I know it's a long journey, but we can't afford to do IV forever and if 4 months didn't make a dent, then it's hard for me not to worry about what it will take to get me well. I know God is in control, but I have just had to work through a lot of emotions this week. I so desperately want to be well again. I am going to be 31 in March, and I feel like life is just passing us by. I am so tired of the restrictions and of not being normal. It's hard to watch everyone enjoy their families, take trips and be so involved in their churches while the 4 walls of our house are pretty much the extent of what I experience each week. Sometimes, I venture out for doctor's appointments and short shopping trips, but not very often. We desire to have a family so much, but we see all of my medical issues and how old we are getting, and it looks like we are just watching our dreams disappear. Plus, there is that big decision hanging out there that even if my health improves do we take the chance that the Lyme Disease might be passed onto our children? A friend of mine posted some pictures on Facebook and I shared them on my profile page. They were of her sweet girls and basically the message was about how she is wondering if she passed on this awful disease as she is starting to see signs in her kids. After experiencing how horrible this journey can be, it is devastating to think a baby would have to fight this fight. This kind of stuff just breaks my heart! Add all of those emotions to the financial pressures, and it's just hard to deal with sometimes.

I've started looking for online teaching jobs since I will be graduating in August with my master's degree in E-Learning. My passion is teaching. I would love to be able to teach elementary school online. They have a lot of virtual academies, but from what I have seen, they require you to meet with the students for field trips, conferences and tutoring. Obviously, at this point, I am not able to do that yet. Teaching is something I was made to do. I can feel that call on my life. I love watching children grow and to be involved in their academic journey. It's so precious to see a child's eyes light up when they finally grasp the concept or hear the joy in their voice when they succeed. I miss it terribly. If you could be praying that God would provide a miracle job for me, I would appreciate it. I can keep tutoring like I am now, but it doesn't bring in very much money and once our student loans kick in along with all of our monthly medical expenses, well you can only imagine the huge mountain that sits in front of us.

Overall, we are making it through. We are pressing on--relying on God's strength alone to carry us when we can't walk on our own anymore. However, every once in awhile we hit a rough patch and the discouragement starts to creep in. We'll kick it right back out and reach for the truths in God's word, but this just happened to be a post at the end of a long and emotional week. We know our true joy, hope and faith does not rely upon our circumstances, but it rests in the arms of our Lord and Savior.

If you could be praying for us, we would appreciate it. Please pray that we will continue to make Christ the center of our house and that we would rely on Him for all of our needs. Please pray against the discouragement, pain and loneliness. Jesus is fighting the battle for us, and He will have the victory. Please pray that I will continue to handle school, work and treatment. I feel so cruddy with IVs and it's really hard to work on my projects. However, I can't get behind. I have a phone appointment with my Lyme doctor's PA on Tuesday (Feb. 8th) at 9am Pacific time. Please pray that she would have wisdom on what our next steps should be. Also, my in-person appointment with my LLMD has been moved from April 8th to May 6th. We were sad to see it pushed out so far, but I have to remember that nothing happens outside of God's control. His timing is perfect and obviously that is when He wanted us to go! Please pray for Brian. I think he is just as tired as I am of everything. Please pray that God would bless him with an extra measure of rest, peace and joy. I am always so amazed and thankful for how he holds our house together. He is such an incredible gift. I am so blessed!

Well, that's all for now. It's late and I should probably try to sleep. :P Have a wonderful weekend!